If You Only Knew
by sakuraheartz
Summary: Unedited: Words failed her and that shattered expression on his face almost brought her to tears. Mikan brought her hands and placed them on her chest. 'It hurts.'
1. Chapter 1

**If You Only Knew**

Inspired by: The Moffatts' If You Only Knew and GA Manga

Dedicate to **silverfire15**

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* * *

**"This is impossible," Natsume muttered under his breath.

He stared at the girl sitting across him. Mikan Sakura –the "mute" girl. That's what he and his friends called her. Well, she wasn't exactly mute. She was only "mute" to him and his friends. One couldn't blame her for doing so 'cause he was the one who made her that way.

They've known each other since they were born. Their mothers were best friends and what was more, they're neighbours, and so, it was only natural that they've become friends. She was bubbly, energetic, robust, and just full of life.

Unlike her, he was the opposite. He'd spent his time reading mangas, climbing trees and avoiding the fan girls. "Beauty is a curse." How true the statement was. With his raven hair and unusual crimson eyes, Natsume was the prince of every girl's dream. Even at the age of ten, girls flocked around him and kissed the ground he walked.

Despite their differences, they tolerate with each other and everyone always sees the two together regardless of the arguments they had. They were like the ying and yang; neither was completed without the other.

It was only when they begin high school that their friendship had become strained. When Natsume joined the basketball team, the seniors dared every new members of the basketball club to do "something" for them –sort of like a prank –to make them the "official" team members.

Natsume resent the idea of it but he knew about the whole social status quo thing. If he didn't do what the seniors said, who knows what they'll do to him. Maybe taunt him about being a coward throughout his high school life or worst of all; being a loner. He liked the idea of being alone sometimes but he liked the idea of being "accepted" more. Natsume knew Mikan would never left him alone but if he was labelled as a loner, people would pick on her and he wouldn't want her to suffer because of him.

The next few days, the new members were ordered to steal Misaki-sensei's bean sprouts in the school garden, broke into Narumi-sensei's locker and replace all his underwear to tongs, dissect a frog which belongs to Jinno-sensei and put laudanum just for the fun of it. Prank after prank, and it was finally Natsume's turn. All of them were gathering at the school's fountain, while the seniors were thinking of what to do with him.

Suddenly, one of the seniors looked up and whistled. Natsume and the others followed where he looked and saw Mikan laughed with her friends a few yards away from them. Dread filled him instantly. Natsume knew something bad was going to happen and he was right.

"Check it out," the team captain sniggered. "Hot brunette with legs like that is a sin. God, I love summer!"

The other seniors murmured in agreement and laughed. At that moment, Natsume wanted to throttle the life of each one of them and hide Mikan exclusively for him. Yeah, he admits it. After all the years they spend together, he likes her. Really like her.

"Stay away from her!" Natsume said through clenched teeth.

The seniors stopped abruptly and stood in front of him.

"What's this? A knight in the shining armour trying to save his damsel in distress?" the senior snorted as the others howled in laughter.

"Wait, I think our little Natsume here is a dear friend with the brunette," another senior jeered at him. "Saw them on a date at the Central Town yesterday buying that sickly sweet stuff...what does that called? How-alone...hmm is that right?"

Natsume growled at him with his hand clench tightly and he ignores the cut on his palm caused by his nails. "It's not a date. Just leave her alone!"

"Pity," the team captain said in a feign disappointment. "I just couldn't help thinking how her hair would sprawl all over my bed when I–"

The captain didn't manage to finish his sentence when Natsume pounced on him and hit on the team captain square on his jaws. It took several minutes to tear the two away as they continue to beat each other. It was then the group divided by two; the juniors and the seniors.

"Is this how you newbie play a game? Then so be it," the team captain hissed. "I've seen all of you play in the field and as much as I hate to admit but you guys are good."

The atmosphere was thick and the juniors could only wait until the captain drops the bomb.

"So here's the thing that you must understand punk," the captain sneered at Natsume. "It's either you both quit basketball and go play dolls with your little girlfriend or you can break up with her and you're officially in."

Natsume could feel that there was some important information the captain left out. So he asked, "What's the catch?"

"You're catching on fast my boy," the captain smirked as he emphasise "catching". He paused for a while before he faced Natsume and looks him straight in the eye. "If...you choose the first, and then your buddies here will be having a hard time for all the time we rule this school. Let's just say that they will be given the ticket to hell."

The seniors laughed and all of them shouted "yeah" simultaneously. Natsume could feel the anxiety from his friends. He didn't want them to suffer because of him. He scarcely had an idea of the other choice but Natsume knew he had to choose the latter and he couldn't help but asked, "What if I choose the second one?"

With bemused laughed, the captain walked closer to him and said, "We'll leave her alone and so do you."

"What do you mean?" Natsume growled at them only to make their laughter louder.

The captain turned around before he continues, "Make her cry. Make her hate you. That's your assignment. It's that simple."

Natsume let out a tattered sigh. Hurting the girl that he really likes was the last thing the he would do...but now that his friends were involved, he would have to do it. The guys love the sport more than he does and he wasn't going to ruin their hopes of enjoying their high school days just because of him.

He knew the type of guy the captain was; arrogant, egoistical, acting like he's the king of everything, the lists goes on. And he also knew that the captain was the type where he would carry out what comes out of his mouth. Natsume was powerless to do anything about it.

"Before you go, here's a tape recorder. At least now that this useless piece of garbage has put on some use." The captain threw the tape recorder to him as Natsume catches it. He stared at it for a few seconds before he put it in his pocket. "Record the whole conversation punk and bring it to me. Do it now!"

With an agonising groan, Natsume turned around and marched towards Mikan and her friends.

"You don't have to do this Natsume," his best friend, Ruka, said while matching his quick stride. "We can come up with something and...and..."

"And what Ruka?" Natsume turned to face him, his breathing heavy. When Ruka remained silent, Natsume rolled his eyes and continue walking towards the brunette.

As Mikan saw him walking towards her, she excused herself from her friends and run towards him. It surprised the lad when she wrapped her arms around him.

"Guess what Natsume?" Mikan said excitedly. "I've made it in the badminton team!"

She released him and looked at him expectedly. "I know what you're going to say," she paused. "'You trip on a flat surface and I've never seen anyone who is as clumsy as you are, little girl.' Well for your information, I am not a little girl anymore and –"

When he remained silent, Mikan stopped talking and lifter her hand and cupped the side of Natsume's face. "What's wrong Natsume?"

He let out a ragged huff and whispered "I'm sorry". The comforting touch on his cheek was more than he could take. He will miss this. He will miss her touch. He will miss her. _This is it Natsume. It's now or never._

"Eh? What did you just say?" Mikan asked puzzled by his weird manners.

"I said," Natsume said louder. "You're annoying."

Mikan stepped back and pulled her hand away as if it was scalded. _What is wrong with him?_ _And what's up with her?_ He always accused her of being annoying. In fact, he said it every day...but now it feels like she was being run over by a truck when he said it. When she meets the look on his face, her heart sank. Mikan could see the agony in his eyes. There were also traces of anger, disgust, longing and something that she couldn't decipher.

Mikan could only gape at him as he continued. "I'm so sick of how you always spurting nonsense about nothing. And there's the fact that you're so clumsy that I'm tired of having being blame for all of your mistakes. The way you braid your hair is so childish it hurts my eyes whenever I see you! I mean, no fifteen years old would wear a pigtail hairstyle other than you. And–"

"Stop."

Mikan cupped her ears and closed her eyes, unable to hear any more insults coming from him. If only she looked up and look at him at that moment, she would have seen the shattered expression on his face.

The moment of silence was unbearable and he could see that Mikan was trying to control the tears that were about to fall from her eyes. He fought the urge to smile. His stubborn Mikan. She was trying to appear that his comments didn't matter but her reaction says otherwise.

Natsume wanted to gather her in his arms and tell her it was all a stupid prank. He was starting to think that this whole idea was stupid. He shouldn't have agreed to it. But if he doesn't, his friends would suffer. It seems like a small price to pay to hurt someone that matters to him and let her slip away from his life.

"I get it," she said, her voice was low just enough for him to hear. "I won't talk to you anymore. I won't...I won't..."

Natsume watched with a pang on his heart as the girl that he likes held her head and defiantly met with his eyes. "Goodbye Natsume," she said before she turned her back on him and ran. It didn't escape his gaze when a tear escaped from the corner of her eyes either. His heart shattered with every step she took until she was out of his sight.

It was when Ruka put his hand on Natsume's shoulder that the latter realised that everyone had witnessed the whole thing. He clenched his teeth when the seniors and the team captain howled in laughter.

"Good job punk," the team captain sniggered at him. "You're now officially one of ours."

Natsume glared at him with distaste. He throws the recorder in front of the seniors and then took off to where Mikan headed, ignoring the curses coming from the seniors. On his way, he saw the Cosplay club who were loitering around the pavement. He ran towards them and grabbed a white mask from one of the club members.

"I'll return this later," Natsume said hastily and dashed towards the brunette's direction.

He didn't need to ask anyone where Mikan had run to cause' he knew where she'd be. It was their favourite place –the biggest Sakura tree in the school. Few people would come at the place since it was a bit far from the school buildings. It was the perfect hideout for him to run away from his fan girls and to gather his thoughts. It was his haven and her presence only fills the void in his heart.

And there she was.

She was so beautiful. Her emotional sobs were heartbreaking that it almost crush him to see her in that state. Natsume let out a ragged sigh and put on the mask before he move stealthily behind her and wrapped his arms around her shoulder.

She stopped cry then. Her body went still as he tightened his hold on her. Natsume tried to convey his feeling of remorse with every pressure he applied on the simple hug. He only prayed that she would understand his intention.

'I'm sorry,' Natsume wanted to say but he couldn't bring himself to say the words.

When he heard her whispered his name, Natsume immediately let her go and ran back to where the Cosplay club had been. He throws the mask back to the person and dart off to the other direction.

**TO BE CONTINUE...**


	2. Chapter 2

**If You Only Knew - Part 2  
**

Inspired by: The Moffatts' If You Only Knew and GA Manga

To all those who's reading,

Thank You.

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After that day, he tried to pretend that she didn't exist. Two years had passed and he tried to pretend that the incident didn't matter. But everywhere he'd turn, she was there. Natsume could feel her presence everywhere. He would hear her laugh, caught a whiff of her strawberry perfume or the times when he saw empty boxes of howalones in the dustbin.

He was also caught once by his basketball teammates one time when he was staring at her during lunch in the cafeteria.

"Natsume, dude," Koko, the current basketball captain, slung his arm around his shoulder. "Talk to her man. Or you'll lose her to one of those hobos over there."

Natsume stared disdainfully at the bunch of boys hovering near her. He would love to throttle the life out of each and every one of them. Oh, he was jealous all right. And it's not a good feeling at all.

"Koko's right, Natsume," Ruka said and took one of his fries. "It's been two years already. We're the seniors now and it's about damn time they graduated. Why don't you try talking to her? Who knows it might lead to somewhere?"

That was when he started thinking that it was worth a try. What could be worse than her not talking to him? Hate him maybe? No, he couldn't bear that.

So when Narumi, their English teacher paired them up for a group project, Natsume felt as if somehow, somewhere, fate has brought them together (and the urge to maim Narumi when he knew well that the both of them were awkward to each other). But what surprised him was that he received a note from the brunette saying that they need to meet up after school hours in the library to discuss the project.

Which brings him back to the current situation; it has been three days since they "talk" with each other using papers and pen and Natsume Hyuuga was about to reach his limit. It was ironic to think that the topic they were working on was about "The Importance of Communication".

Just then, Natsume received another note from her. He looked up from the book he was "reading" and saw that she was getting up from her chair. He watched as she went to aisle number five and noted the way she was browsing through the books on the rack.

Natsume then read the note that he was holding.

_Hyuuga, I'm going to browse through the shelf and see if there's anything that we can add to the conclusion that we already have. It's a s–_

He didn't bother to finish with the rest of the sentence. He was already ticked off when he started reading the first word. How dare she call him by his family name? What did he do to make their relationship worse than ever? Wait, okay, there's that bet. But surely it wasn't that bad that resorts her to called him by his family name.

Natsume took a deep breath and gave up mulling over it. He just can't get mad at her for more than two minutes. It was silly to think that she was still able to make his heart all "pitter-patter" whenever Natsume saw her.

Swiftly, anger seeped through him like an oil slick when Natsume saw a guy was trying to flirt with her. Mikan was clearly distressed and uncomfortable with the guy's advance and was trying her best to turn the guy off.

Then their eyes met. Natsume could see that she was pleading for help and he was more than happy to "remove" that guy from her. He got off from his seat and then march towards her. He placed his hand around her waist possessively and glare at the guy.

"Got a problem with my girl?" he said acidly.

The guy whimpers before he ran out of the library door. Natsume turned to face her and studied her face. "You're okay?"

She gave him the smile that makes him all feeling tingly inside. She was about to say something when a frown formed at the corner of her mouth and the moment was ruined. He was puzzled when she pulled a piece of paper from her jeans pocket and scribbled something before she handed it to him.

Natsume didn't bother to read the small note and crushed it on his palm. His blood boils as he narrowed his gaze on her. He had enough of this "silent" communication between them. It was time to put this matter to rest. "Damn you," Natsume said angrily.

Mikan was shocked when Natsume pulled her by her nape and planted a kiss on her mouth. She knew that she had to push him away. She was scared that someone might saw them. She was scared of the way he held her so closely that she can feel his heart beating wildly at the same rate as her own. She was scared on how he made her skin tingle and sent warm little shivers along her nerves. But it felt so right she doesn't want to let him go.

All of a sudden, they heard a screech and the sound of books falls to the floor. Natsume draw back from her but he still had his arms around her waist. He looked at the top of Mikan's head and once he sees the source of their interruptions, he mentally groans.

Luna Koizumi was the biggest gossip in the school. Natsume was sure that within ten minutes, the whole school would know about their kiss (and with extra details).

"Oh my gosh, this is rich!" Luna said before she ran and went out of the door.

Natsume could feel Mikan went still on his arms. When he returned his gaze to her, his heart stopped. Her face went pale and her lower lip quivers.

"Mikan." Natsume cupped the side of her face, concerned that she might faint anytime soon. When her gaze met his, his lips curved into a small smile. "I will not let you get hurt. I promise."

Mikan immediately snapped out of her trance. Her eyes widened and then with a gasped, she fought her way out of his arms and ran out of the library door.

Natsume chuckled by the brunette's antics. He wasn't bothered by the upcoming rumour because he wanted it to be true. He wanted those bastards who went gaga over her to leave her alone. He wanted to take her on a date and bought her thousand boxes of howalons. He wanted to be the one who could make her laugh. He wanted Mikan to himself. And he knew, this time, he'll make it real.

This time, he'll make sure that she knows how he feels.

* * *

"So how was the kiss?" the twins, Anna and Nonoko, asked at the same time.

Mikan put her hands on her face and groaned. Right when she went out of the library, she was immediately surrounded by her friends. And by the look on their face, they already knew that "litte" scene that happened between her and the crimson-eye lad.

She almost died of mortification when everyone started to congratulate her for getting herself involved with the one of the school's "bachelor" –even the teachers. Well, everyone except the members of the 'Natsume Hyuuga fan club'. Mikan could feel the piercing glare coming from them and she could have sworn that she heard them plotting a murder plot –for her.

"Nonoko, Anna, leave the poor girl alone," Sumire said sternly. "And you," she said to Hotaru, "stop pigging out on those crab roes. They're disgusting!"

"Crab roes are my comfort food," Hotaru said as she took another spoonful of the crab roes. "They're part of the reasons that I've become a genius that I am now."

"Whatever." Sumire rolled her eyes and then took a seat across Mikan. "But seriously Mikan, why can't you accept the fact that he likes you? And don't tell me about that stupid bet again! That was two years ago!"

Anna and Nonoko nodded vigorously. Even Hotaru agreed to Sumire's statement.

Mikan sighed. She knew her friends meant well. They've been together for so long and they were always there for her –even when the time she cried a bucket over the crimson eye lad.

Mikan lifted her eyes and narrowed her gaze at Sumire. "He didn't like me. He just...he just..."

"Lord, help us!" Sumire flailed her hands in the air. "Why do you think that I've given up on Natsume and go out with that stupid joker?"

All the while, Anna and Nonoko nodded in agreement.

"You called Koko stupid?" Mikan raised an eyebrow.

"Stop changing the subject!" Sumire put her hands on Mikan's shoulder. "That guy likes you. Everyone can see it except for the two of you! And who knows, he might be out there in your porch, chewing over on how to confess to you!"

Just then, the doorbell rang.

All movement ceased as they stared at the door.

Mikan let out a nervous laugh. "You're just exaggerating Sumire," she removed Sumire's hand from her shoulder and took a deep breath before she went to answer the door.

"He's halfway in love with you already, you know?" Sumire said in a loud whisper while the twins again nodded in agreement.

Mikan give them a shooting glare before she yanked the door opened and her breath hitched.

Looking incredibly handsome in a black t-shirt and jeans, Natsume Hyuuga leaned against the door and smiled. "Hi, Mikan."

The room behind her fell silent, but Mikan could hear her heart fluttering against her chest. She opened her mouth wanting to say something but the words stuck on her throat. Her cheeks growing instantly warm as she remembers the way he kissed her earlier in the library.

His gaze roamed over her, drinking her in, unnerving her jumbled nerves. Why did he have to come here and torture her?

"Can I come in?"

She took a glance behind her and saw her friends were giving the raven-haired lad an intense glare. Mikan was about to send him away when he stepped past her into the house. "This can't wait." He nodded at her friends. "Ladies."

They all mumbled hellos but they still keep their eyes warily on him. Natsume knew that they wouldn't leave him and Mikan alone but that's just fine. It was time that everyone knows how he feels towards her. He would fight for her and nothing will stop him from claiming the girl as his. Nothing –except Mikan herself (and maybe her friends).

He took a deep breath and turn to face her again. His crimson eyes look softer than she'd ever seen them it made her heart lurch.

"I like you, Mikan," Natsume said with a hint of desperation on his voice. "I really, really like you."

Eyes wide, Mikan just stared at him. Nonoko and Anna sighed dreamily at his confession while Sumire whispered saying something like "...if she doesn't kiss him right now, I will!" Hotaru on the other hand just rolled her eyes and then marched herself to the front door and let herself out.

"I'll see you later," Hotaru said before she walks out of the door followed by Sumire and the twins.

Mikan hardly heard her friends. Her mind was reeling, her heart pounding. But she was too afraid to believe that he was really confessing to her. Was it possible that he really like her just as Sumire had told her? Did he suffer the same pain when she ignores him whenever they cross path? But he did say that he like her didn't he? He didn't say that he loves her but what the heck, love is overrated anyway.

Mikan had just realised that she was staring at him for maybe about one minute while he was waiting for her reply. Then she saw that sorrowful look on his face, as if he was just got hit by a truck. She knew that if she didn't say anything to him at that precise moment, deep inside, she knew Natsume would walk out of her life. She would never see him ever again.

'I don't want that. It's true that I was more than satisfied if I could just get a glimpse of him but a life without Natsume is just unbearable,' she thought as she felt a strange little ping in the region of her heart.

"I'm sorry for everything," Natsume said awkwardly. "I understand if you're angry at me for all these years but...please don't hate me Mikan. I can't bear it if you do."

'Say something!' she mentally cursed herself. Words failed her and that shattered expression on his face almost brought her to tears. She brought her hands and placed them on her chest. She closed her eyes and shook her head. 'It hurts.'

Just then, she heard him turned around as he took a step to the door. "Goodbye Mikan."

'No! He can't leave yet,' she gasped. 'Not when he still doesn't know how I feel about him.'

Mikan saw him placing his hand on the door knob and panicked. "Natsume!"

She didn't mean to shout at him. But she would do anything to stop him from leaving her house and she was glad that he did. He went still with his back still facing her. And slowly, he turned to face her. His features gleamed from mingled exertion and emotion.

"Say my name again," he said hoarsely.

Mikan smiled. "Natsume."

He let out a tattered breath and in a few quick strides, he snaked his arms around her waist and pulled her closer, burying his face at the crook of her neck.

Mikan was slightly shocked at his action but when she heard him whispers "thank you" she finally understands why he did that. It was the first sentence that she had said to him in two years (the fact that she had called him Hyuuga must have been a pure agony to him). And the first word that she had uttered was his name. He must have been really happy.

Almost naturally, she closed the small gap between them and hugged him back. They stayed in that position for a few minutes until Mikan feels the need to reply to his confession.

"Natsume," she whispered near his ears.

He replied with a 'hm' indicating that he was listening.

"I like you too."

He drew back just far enough so she could feel his warm breath when he said, "you forgive me for being such an idiot?"

Tears welled up in her eyes and she could only nod.

Natsume didn't know that he was holding his breath. They stared at each other's eyes as he brought his hands up and cupped her face. He leaned forward and tried to gauge her expression weather she's going to reject what she's going to do to her. When she closed her eyes, he knew that she was going to accept him.

Lowering his head, he gave her a series of slow, tender kisses. "I won't let you go –ever again."

"You won't?" she asked him mischievously as they noses touches.

"No. I'm no good without you."

"Really?" Mikan said with a teasing smile.

A grin played about his lips, "if you only knew."

Then he pulled her again into his arms and kissed her.

**THE END**

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****CHEESY ALERT! CHEESY ALERT! **

I know that I've been MIA lately. I barely have any time to write. Uni life sucks. I want to cry at times but that's life. For those of you who have read and review this story, I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. You guys are the reason why I still continue writing stories like this. You guys are my driving force (even though you guys put me on a lot of pressure for forcing me to update). But yeah, I love you guys. Thank you!


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